Warren Fried, founder of Dyspraxia USA, sent me this advice column from the Washington Post's Parenting Advice columnist, Marguerite Kelly.

As the mother of a Dyspraxic child, I know all about the frustration and anger these children feel. I am also well familiar with the mirroring instinct in kids. That's a phenomenon common to all kids, though, not just Dyspraxics. The mother who asked for advice talks about how her son mirrors her calm anger and stages sit-ins to express his displeasure. I am a yeller and a crier when I am angry. So is Brendan, much to my dismay. I want to be the calm authoritarian, but that's not what I learned growing up because... Guess what? My mom yelled. And spanked. And on at least one occasion smacked me across the face. I am thankful I don't do those things. And I am learning to show my displeasure calmly.

But, that's neither here nor there.

What struck me about Kelly's advice was how off the mark it is. The woman clearly has no idea what Dyspraxia is or how Dyspraxic kids think.

There are as many ways to expess anger as there are people and I don't think having a little boy who stages sit-ins or refuses to do something he doesn't want to do is an example of passive-aggressive behavior. Of course it can be, but defiance of authority is not always passive-aggressive. In this case, it appears to be quite a direct expression of anger and fear.

I did like her advice on how to deal with the specific issue of the child refusing to go to school. But, I think she fails to account for the fact that with Dyspraxic kids there is a lot of fear involved and they learn, very quickly, how to be stubborn and hold out for long periods of time to avoid doing things that are scary or hard for them. If nothing else, kids with Dyspraxia are persistent when it comes to getting their way. And it may be weeks before leaving him home with a sitter convinces him that going to school is a better option. It may never work because he doesn't care how much fun the kids at school are having when going to school only exacerbates or highlights the issues he has trouble with, like writing, learning, or fitting in with the other kids.

I think the first thing the mother should do is talk to her son's teacher to find out why he doesn't want to go to school. Is he struggling to do the things the kids in his class are doing? Is his speech affected by the Dyspraxia? If so, are the other kids teasing him? There are so many things that might be causing this little boy to be unhappy at school that need to be addressed before throwing down the gauntlet with him. I guarantee you, that if this child is afraid of school and having difficulty fitting in, he is the tiger in the analogy offered by Kelly. A Dyspraxic child who is resisting doing something that is frustrating to them will outlast his or her parent almost any day.

I speak from experience. Brendan hated school until he was diagnosed with Dyspraxia and we began therapy. We fought about his going to school every single day because he was miserable. Even in Kindergarten he compared himself to the other children and knew he was different because he could not do many of the things they did with ease. After eight months of occupational therapy and a year of speech therapy, things are easier for him he enjoys school much more.

Again, this article or advice column highlights one of the many reasons there needs to be more awareness of Dyspraxia.

Only through early diagnosis and treatment can a child with Dyspraxia have the hope of fitting in and adapting to the everyday challenges school offers. Merely forcing a child into the situation without offering him or her the therapies and adaptive skills necessary to do the work and fit in, is only going to increase any anger or frustration the child is already experiencing.

Then, you'll really have a tiger on your hands.

Yesterday, I promised via Twitter that I'd post the recipe for the Apple Upside Down Cake I took to a party for Beckett's playgroup. I also took a very simple appetizer that will amaze you with it's ease and deliciousness.

So, without further ado, here's the recipe...Oh! Wait! There actually is further ado. I should note, that the recipe does not call for pecans. At all. But, I decided to add pecans into the butter/brown sugar layer that goes into the bottom of the pan. I also sprinkled the apple slices that go on top of that bottom layer with cinnamon and it all tasted fantastic. If you don't like nuts, don't do it, but come on! Pecans. Brown Sugar. Butter. Together! I'm just sayin'.....

Oh! And, if you want, you can just substitute a yellow butter cake mix and add the apples and spices into that if you don't want to fool with mixing a cake from scratch. Which, by the way, y'all, is what I did!

Okay, so now, without any further ado,
Apple Upside Down Cake:

Ingredients
1/3 cup butter, cut up
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
6 very small red cooking apples (1-1/4 to 1-1/2 lb.), halved, stems removed, cored
1-1/3 cups all-purpose flour
2/3 cup granulated sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. ground ginger
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
2/3 cup milk
1/4 cup butter, softened
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
Vanilla ice cream (optional)
directions
1. Preheat oven to 350F. Place 1/3 cup butter in a 9x9x2-inch baking pan. Place in oven 5 minutes or until butter melts. Sprinkle brown sugar over butter; stir. Arrange 9 apple halves in mixture, cut sides down. Bake in oven 10 to 15 minutes or until bubbly.

2. Meanwhile, peel remaining apples. Coarsely shred; set aside. In bowl combine flour, granulated sugar, baking powder, ginger, and cinnamon. Add shredded apple, milk, 1/4 cup butter, egg, and vanilla. Beat with electric mixer on low until combined; beat on medium 1 minute. Spoon over apples, spread evenly (apple may be exposed; some butter may come to surface).

3. Bake 35 minutes or until wooden toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Cool in pan on wire rack for 5 minutes. Loosen edges; invert onto platter. Spoon any topping in pan over top. Cool 20 minutes; serve with ice cream. Makes 9 servings.

And for the appetizer. You won't believe how easy this is. But it's so yummy....

Jalapeno Jelly Cheese Spread:

1 block Cream Cheese
1 cup Cheddar Cheese, shredded
Jalapeno or other pepper Jelly (You can also use a sweet-hot Chow-Chow or Pickaninny sauce for this if you prefer)

Mix softened cream cheese and cheddar until smooth. Shape into a ball or use a mold to shape.
Remove cheese from mold and put on serving tray.
Spoon jalapeño jelly over cheese and serve with Wheat Thins or other crackers.

Was reminded this week of a great fall recipe I haven't made in a while. It's also a favorite of mine to make for friends who've just had a baby or have a sickness in the family and need a hand. You can also make ahead and freeze to pull out in a pinch. And I've included a new favorite side dish that goes great with it: Grape tomato and Avocado Salad.

Chili Casserole with Cornbread Topping:

1 lb. Lean Ground Beef or Turkey
1 small onion, peeled and chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 15-oz. can of beans (pinto, black, red kidney, or chili beans)
1 15-oz. can of diced tomatoes (can use diced tomatoes with chili peppers for a spicier version)
1 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. salt
red pepper flakes to taste

1 cup shredded cheese (cheddar, Mexican blend, or Monterey Jack)
1 15 oz. can creamed corn
1 tsp. sugar
1 packet Martha White Cornbread Mix (Can use jalepeno cornbread mix if you like)
buttermilk as needed*

Saute onions and peppers until tender, add ground meat and brown. I add the salt to the meat while it is browning. Next, add beans, tomatoes, and spices. Simmer until well blended and aromatic.

While chili is simmering, prepare Cornbread mixture. Add creamed corn to cornbread mixture with tsp. of sugar. Add buttermilk slowly as needed to help cornbread mixture reach smooth and spreadable consistency.

Pour chili mixture into a casserole dish and add layer of cheese over chili. Then pour/spread cornbread mixture over chili and cheese. Bake in preheated 350º oven for 45 min. or until cornbread is golden brown on top.

Serve with dollop of sour cream and grape tomato and avocado salad.

Grape Tomato and Avocado Salad:


1 pint grape tomatoes, halved
3 ripe, but firm, avocados, chopped
1/2 cup Italian parsley or cilantro (or both), chopped
1 tsp. minced garlic
1 T lemon juice
1 T Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Sea Salt to Taste

Toss all ingredients together in a non-reactive (glass) bowl. Serve immediately or chill for up to 3 hours before serving.

If you try these out, let me know what you like and what you don't. I made this salad for friends who just had a baby last night and wish I had photographed it. It was really beautiful. I may make it again this weekend for us and if I do, I will take a picture and add it.

If you have any great fall recipes you'd like to share, please leave them in the comments section and I will post them with a link to your site.

Cheers!

Generally speaking, I think Scott and I do a pretty great job parenting our two sons. We are loving, supportive, encouraging, provide structure and discipline to their lives. Every now and then, however, we have our moments when we go slightly off the range and our words or actions in relation to the boys might be called into question.

Sometimes, thanks to my short fuse, I think I'm just one perfect mom who never makes mistakes away from a call to DCS. Like the witch lady in the waiting room at Scottish Rite's Therapy Center who looked at me in horror and disbelief when I groaned loudly and exclaimed, "Beckett, I am so mad at you right now!" after Beckett stood in the middle of the waiting room and peed all over himself and the floor and then says to me, with a smile on his face, "Mommy! Pee!" In my defense, he had been potty-trained for over a month and it was the first day of his now-week-long potty strike and the fifth time that day he had wet his pants and found it amusing. So, while it should not have been put on public display probably, I do feel my frustration was warranted.

That negative moment aside, the questionable things we say and do are, as often as not, just plain silly. Like the time I told Brendan that he had to brush his teeth because the tooth fairy would not want his teeth if they were yucky and had cavities. When he pressed me on what she did with the teeth, I told him she makes necklaces with them and only wants pretty teeth. Whether he has nightmares about a Tinkerbellish lass with a ropeful of children's teeth dangling about her neck or not, I couldn't tell you, but it did – at least for a while – make him an avid proponent of dental hygiene.

Then there's the story Scott told Beckett last week when the wee one was on the verge of a meltdown because he didn't want to go to preschool. Seeing Beckett's bottom lip start to quiver when I said, "It's time to go to school," Scott took quick, evasive action before the four winds of the toddler apocalypse started to blow in full force. He said, "Beckett, you have to go to school today. This is the day the monsters come to help Mommy clean house."

Monsters? Instantly, he had Beckett's attention and mine. "Yeah. While you're at school the monsters come and they wash the walls for us. But they're kind of scary and you wouldn't want to be here while they're here."

"Oh. Otay," Beckett replied and that was that. He looked a little befuddled, but he acquiesced and came downstairs calmly and was ready to go to school. And it hasn't come up since.

I was duly impressed with Scott's quick work in diffusing the situation and even more impressed with his creativity. Which really should be no surprise considering the fact that he's a musician. But then again, I am a writer, but not nearly so quick off the cuff.

Now, however, I am dying to know about your parenting highlights? What are the funniest, weirdest, silliest, dumbest things you've said or done with your kids and how did they work out? Please share....

I am shocked and appalled by this story. I have personally experienced the ineptitudes of the TSA at Atlanta's Hartsfield Airport, but this woman's experience goes beyond ineptitude into sheer stupidity and exposes the TSA as the actual terrorists. I cannot imagine what she went through. I got shaky and cried just reading about it.

I truly hope the national media picks this up and something changes. These TSA employees clearly bullied this woman and they need to be fired.

The last few weeks have been very challenging, filled with ups and downs and all-arounds. The one thing that I can say has consistently kept me thankful and sane and happy much of the time is knowing that I have girlfriends (and a guy friend here and there) that I can count on. The guys I don't really count on and they're not the same kind of friends as my girls. They're mostly just high school friends who pop up on Facebook with the occasional wiseacre comment here and there, but they're good for a laugh.

My girls, though... I could not live without them. From my best friend Courtney who lives in Texas and has been through...well, roughly the last 20 years or so of my life to the amazing women who live in my neighborhood and go to my church and participate in my playgroup and play Bunco together and share the same routines and rituals of my everyday life, I am blessed to know some kick-ass, hotter than Hell, sage, loving, supportive, funny, talented, crazy, amazing women.

There have been times when I feel like I don't fit in, but I think that's mostly been me, holding back. Fearing that I don't fit in and making it so. When I let go and trust that people will accept me just as I am...potty-mouth, messy house, crazy life, ambitious, slack, flaky, I am often surprised that they do. And that's when they let me see all the messy aspects of their own lives. And that's when things really get interesting.

So, all this then, is what I am thankful for on this rainy, rainy Thursday.

We just returned from Brendan's speech therapy at Scottish Rite. He's now getting help with speech at school and through our insurance and it seems like he's improving even more rapidly than I would have hoped.

Still, no one takes me seriously when I mention that he stammers. It might be that he only does it with me. But if so, why? He should be the most comfortable talking to his mom.

I don't know. Today has been a really bad day for all sorts of reasons and if I think too hard about that one I may just burst into tears.

I am proud of Brendan for how hard he works and how far he has come since he was diagnosed with Dyspraxia last autumn. He is worlds from where he was then, yet I hate it that he does have to work so hard for what comes naturally to everyone else in the world.

He's starting to say he hates school again but won't tell me why. I fear it's getting difficult again. I just want something in life to come as a gift to my beautiful boy. Something that he is great at without trying too hard that he loves doing.

He told me today he wants to play basketball this winter. He brought home a flyer about a church league. I don't know what to do. I am so afraid he'll try it and struggle and be the worst kid out there and take another blow to his self-esteem. Yet, I don't want to deny him the opportunity. I guess I need to put my fears aside and let him struggle and see what he is capable of. He may surprise me.

And the league for five and six year olds is a "learning" league, so no real games. Just learning opportunities. Maybe it will good for him and me.

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely believe kids should be allowed to fail every now and again so that they learn from their mistakes and don't get any ideas about life being easy. That said, Brendan has already had plenty of challenges and failures as a child and it's time for him to find something he's exceptional at. I'm just not sure basketball is the ideal sport for the kid who suffers from something that was once known as clumsy child syndrome.